Marriage and health

There have been so many studies on this that it now seems like stating the obvious: Study finds links between marriage and good health. It's well-established now that both men and women enjoy better health when married, and that the effect is especially strong for men. If you're interested in more information on the topic, I'd suggest a visit to the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University.

Since my insurance won't cover it, I guess Mom would have to

The Life and Health Insurance Foundation for Education (LIFE) put out a press release earlier this week on just how vital family members are to each other's long term care. This seems to be less of a "my family would drop everything to help" issue and more of a "well, I don't have adequate insurance for that" issue:

Nearly four in ten Americans say they would turn to family and friends if they were ever to need long-term care services, compared to relatively few who say they plan to rely on insurance or private savings. Conducted by KRC Research between October 27-30, 2006, the survey asked 1,025 adult Americans what they would rely on most if they were ever to become unable to handle some of the basic tasks of daily living, such as bathing, eating and dressing themselves. Here's how the public responded:

Family and friends 39%
Health insurance 18%
Long-term care insurance 15%
Accumulated savings 12%
Government assistance/programs 12%

Notably, the press release did NOT conclude "The fact that only a third of US residents can count on insurance to provide them with needed long-term care is a giant friggin' problem." So I'll let that be my conclusion instead.

Infidelity and the Internet by Marlene Maheu and Rona Subotnik

The internet has made it easier for us to do almost anything, including cheat on our loved ones. Infidelity and the Internet looks at just how such e-relationships develop, how they differ from those involving physical contact, and where they lead. The authors sought and received stories from hundreds of men and women in the development of this book, and their presence is perhaps too strong; while there is detailed information about how internet affairs begin and end, and numerous stories of how they changed marriages (a few, notably, for the better), there is not much insight regarding the healing process for those harmed by affairs that had beginnings online. Indeed, the volume ultimately comes off as a stark warning to those who believe internet flirtations are somehow less dangerous or hurtful simply because they are more anonymous.

How to Be Happy, Dammit by Karen Salmansohn

Billed on its cover as "A cynics guide to spiritual happiness," How to Be Happy, Dammit wants to be "the first and only self-help book that merges Psychology, Biology, Eastern Philosophy, Western Philosophy, Quantum Physics, and the Zen of Bazooka Joe." For such a lofty and original goal, there isn't much new to be found here. The 44 "life lessons" contained in the book will never surprise or amaze you. But what keeps the book consistently engaging is its visual style, utilizing on every page the kind of textual artistry usually found in high-style magazines. The creative expression of self-help principles through color and space rather than just words gives the book a strong positive energy even a cynic would enjoy.

Skipping Towards Gomorrah by Dan Savage

Dan Savage, author of the nationally syndicated sex column Savage Love, has built a career out of blurring the lines between sin and virtue. In Skipping towards Gomorrah, Savage aims to knock America's "virtuecrats" down a peg or two by touring the country to learn just how gleefully we delight in the seven deadly sins. He visits a fat acceptance conference to learn about gluttony, a shooting range to learn about anger, and a gay pride parade to learn about, well, pride. Savage, normally known for biting commentary in his columns, writes about the characters he meets along the way with tremendous empathy and warmth, which transforms the book from what might otherwise be just another political manifesto into a genuinely entertaining travelogue.

The Love Test by Virginia Rutter and Pepper Schwartz

This is a collection of simple self-tests an individual or couple can use to examine the health of their relationship in areas ranging from sex to family finances. There are more than 30 self-tests in the collection, and each takes no more than a few minutes to fill out and score. A cautionary note, though, about putting too much stock in the results--While some of the featured tests have a great deal of research behind them and are widely used in therapy, many have little research backing them, and the authors do an inadequate job of distinguishing which is which. The tests in this collection are an easy and fun way to get some information about your relationship, but don't take them very seriously.

Buy it at amazon.com

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

Through the work of his Seattle "Love Lab," John Gottman has made tremendous strides in what we know about how marriages split up and how they can be saved. The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work takes the lessons learned and puts them in convincing, readable form. The Seven Principles are not speculation or opinion, they are based entirely on physiological research done with couples. With that kind of backing, Gottman is justified in taking a few cheap shots at "Men are from Mars" author John Gray: "The determining factor in whether wives feel satisfied with the sex, romance, and passion in their marriage is, by 70 percent, the quality of the couple's friendship. For men, the determining factor is, by 70 percent, the quality of the couple's friendship. So men and women come from the same planet after all."